I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
