my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
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