what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
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this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
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I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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