If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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