so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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