mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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