and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
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