just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
