How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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