If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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