If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I wish life had little blips of pornography
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.