she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Dating After Heartbreak
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Houston, we have a squirter
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.