Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
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I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
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I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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