It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
