He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
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Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
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the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY