Texts From Last Night

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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  i think my tv is drunk

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  (860): i think my tv is drunk http://tfl.nu/pa05
  Replies (5) Good night (1185) Bad night (414) Order T-Shirt
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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.

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  (901): I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus. http://tfl.nu/pp37
  Replies (14) Good night (4910) Bad night (1210) Order T-Shirt
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  (631): View more from New York

  You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.

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  (631): You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk. http://tfl.nu/huyr
  Replies (9) Good night (5950) Bad night (685)
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  (518): View more from New York

  no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter

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  (518): no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter http://tfl.nu/ikrf
  Replies (5) Good night (3629) Bad night (742) Order T-Shirt
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...

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  (403): I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass... http://tfl.nu/21fm
  Replies (16) Good night (3701) Bad night (922) Order T-Shirt
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.

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  (847): No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it. http://tfl.nu/l9mq
  Replies (9) Good night (4119) Bad night (906) Order T-Shirt
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home

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  (484): hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home http://tfl.nu/2xw9
  Replies (8) Good night (3701) Bad night (977) Order T-Shirt
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  (281): View more from Texas

  Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.

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  (281): Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute. http://tfl.nu/xxsd
  Replies (12) Good night (3440) Bad night (730) Order T-Shirt
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  (865): View more from Tennessee

  He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.

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  (865): He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends. http://tfl.nu/ncfq
  Replies (7) Good night (2567) Bad night (678) Order T-Shirt
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  (406): View more from Montana

  All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off

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  (406): All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off http://tfl.nu/72k1
  Replies (14) Good night (2069) Bad night (788) Order T-Shirt
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or

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  (303): ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or http://tfl.nu/vwgc
  Replies (21) Good night (1612) Bad night (723) Order T-Shirt
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Tiny.

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.

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  (402): Tiny. (402): I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed. http://tfl.nu/6vga
  Replies (8) Good night (1345) Bad night (513)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.

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  (717): I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it. http://tfl.nu/i1s8
  Replies (8) Good night (1411) Bad night (403) Order T-Shirt
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.

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  (847): well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick. http://tfl.nu/owiw
  Replies (5) Good night (1426) Bad night (315)
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  (507): View more from Minnesota

  I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator

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  (507): I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator http://tfl.nu/y7bc
  Replies (4) Good night (1327) Bad night (342) Order T-Shirt

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