how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline