I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!