My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.