he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.