whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
