I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
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She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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