Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
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I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
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I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
You are a genius and a whore.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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