ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
