YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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