I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Do you still have your period?
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
