So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
My hand turned me down
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
