I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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