I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize