three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
The best revenge is premature balding
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
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