It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Randomize
