Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
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