I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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