Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.