is your mom at the bar?
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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