There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.