Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..