I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house