my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill