Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Randomize
