Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
