just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
its liver damage thursday
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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