I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize