if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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