Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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