Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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