they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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