What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
COCAINE IS GR8
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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