my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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