Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
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Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
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I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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