i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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