The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
