Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
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Strip Mario-Kart
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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