you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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