I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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