Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Damn victory sex feels great
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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