I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize