3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
