she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
