Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
